Friendships. by Also contacting an organisation such as Headspace might be good - they have support groups and counselling for young people. He has flat feet, asthma, wears glasses and a little overweight. I'm so sorry to hear about your son. I've been worried about him for a while because when school is out, he spends most of his time at home, usually playing minecraft on his laptop. If your son seems "fine" with his more limited network of friends, make sure you aren't transferring your own needs and/or insecurities onto him. This has been true since about fourth grade when he never asked for friends to come over or got asked to stay over much with other kids. What can I do to help him? Anything that he enjoys doing . He's given up football (which he did from age 6). The kids he calls "friends" asked him to join the 7th grade football team but outside of seeing kids at school, there is no other social interaction. 26. My 14 year old son has no friends Anonymous 24/05/2014 at 2:20 pm In answer to Anonymous Have you tried signing her up for some after school / evening groups. Unfortunately, it's easy for me as a middle-aged man to choose whom I associate with and to embrace my nerdism. He gets called gay, (which he isn't) and fat and ugly and he is just so defeated. Insist on a plan with measurable outcomes . Information is power. Ir is also possible that he is avoidant and just won't let his symptoms/anxiety show. What sort of music , movies , video games you like ? This transition can be particularly difficult for those who tend to be shy or who have to work harder at making new friends. What are his interestsmusical instrument, theatre groups, self defence etc. He is very shy and spends all his time in his room. The school should have an anti bullying policy and it might be a good idea to make an appointment with the wellbeing co-ordinator as well as the Principal together . [Free Download: 14 Ways to Help Your Child With ADHD Make Friends] . But, my son has no friends and it's breaking my heart. He is very focused on winning and trying to be the best, while other kids are just wanting to have fun, and aren't overly concerned about the rules of that particular sport or game. He seems to get picked on and bullied some too which I don't really understand. My problem is he has no friends or social life. Get him involved in sports or activities out of school , like karate , scouts , chess club . Aside from that, he seems to do much better in one-to-one situations compared to being in a group. For more information, please see our Contents: Reasons why a child may not have friends Your child may feel preoccupied Your child may feel neglected Your child may feel confused Your child may feel disrespected Your child may feel restricted Ways to help your child make friends Toddlers (2-3 years) Preschoolers (3-5 years) Middle Childhood (6-8 years) Middle Childhood (9-11 years) 08-28-2017 Ask them : What are your strategies for bullying ? Continue to love your child and nurture his interests - it's the most important thing! I signed him up to karate classes and scouts. He sits at home all day watching TV, playing video games, and on his phone. and our Cookie Notice The karate didn't help as everyone was either much younger or much older. He struggles to keep friends and I want to help him so badly. I've been worried about him for a while because when school is out, he spends most of his time at home, usually playing minecraft on his laptop. 10:18 AM 1) Get to the root of the problem: Talk to your child and find out what's causing the issues with potential friendships. Jadine, age 20, like Rob, dropped out of art school after a short stint and retreated to her room where for two years she rarely communicated with her mom because of her selective mutism . Don't immediately assume your son has weak social skills. This is NOT OK , and must be nipped in the bud yesterday . If she went to Guides / Scouts / sports / choir then she would get to take part in activities with a new groups of children and may make friends with similar interests. Just continue to support and encourage him without pressuring him unnecessarily. I feel helpless. I have two incredible children and a loving husband all who are healthy. Hes too old for me to arrange a social life for him. This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Hi@NywvmomTo2. I'm sure no one out there wants to feel that their child is missing out or being shunned for one reason or another. The reality of it is he could just be picky with his friends. The truth is, my son doesn't give a damn. I am in a similar position, my son is 14, for the past 3months has been a target of online bullying from his "friends". Are there any signs of him not doing well in school or actively avoiding being with people his age? He has no friends to come visit him or to hang out with. You need need clear verification from them that they will act on their decisions and follow through . My 14 year old son has no friends or a social life. What did you think ? When I hear that, I always say: "Maybe that's so, but the reason he hangs out with that group is that he's similar to them. When he plays sports, for example, he will insist the rules be followed as closely as possible and will get annoyed if other people don't. Thanks for any help our direction you can give me. It kills me because he says he tries to talk to people and they answer him but they never initiate a conversation with him. "We've made a compromise, that . They will only give it enough energy and imperative if you drive the bus and you are his strongest advocate . With a little bit of help and a lot of support, kids who have previously had difficulty making friends can experience the joy that solid friendships can bring.". Hi so sorry to hear your son is having trouble. I'm worried about my son. Other posts on The Friendship Blog about teen friendships: Having a friendship quandary or dilemma? It must be so hard for you to watch this happen for him. The first thing I would do is raise this with the school. Entering middle school is a big adjustment for both teens and for their parents. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, Help! 27/02/2022 13:26. My son is 18 in a few weeks. For more information, please see our Wait for her response and validate whatever laments she may have about the difficulty of making and keeping friends. Relationships between two people take work, especially when both people are young and finding their way in the world. It's us.". It happens. She might be noticeably different, either physically or intellectually. Ask The Friendship Doctor. Is he shy around others, feels awkward or overwhelmed? Entering middle school is a big adjustment for both teens and for their parents. Who says the popular scene is all it's cracked up to be, anyway? It was really brave of your son to speak out about the bullying - it's sad to hear how this has impacted him though. There is often a lot of talk that goes on in the room but the follow through can be patchy, ad hoc or at its worst not implemented and can change once they hear the so called " other side " . In the meantime, it's great that he's made the football team. . The kids who don't have friends, successful relationship as teenagers have much higher rates of delinquency, drug addiction, depression even suicide and very difficult times establishing successful adult relationships, this is big time concern. My 14 year old son is having an awfulTime in high school and says he has no friends. My 14 year old son has no friends. I'm trying to focus on that. Well done for reaching out to us . Hi, I've just been reading about your son. Have you sought out any support for yourself? If you do sense something is truly wrong, dig deeper. All we can do is try to help our kids through things as best we can but getting to the bottom of it sometimes is like real detective work. He doesn't talk to them outside of school and he doesn't have their phone numbers. Mumsnet carries some affiliate marketing links, so if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale (more details here). Most kids fall somewhere in between, but it's no wonder why many parents worry about their children's friendships and ability to make new friends. The family home is where we get our bearings to the outside world, and we often follow the examples of our parents and siblings. My son told me last night he's upset because he feels he has no friends. I don't want him becoming a hermit or a recluse. We sit and brain storm lots of different topics and style of questions . This transition can be particularly difficult for those who tend to be shy or who have to work harder at making new friends. 10:09 AM Part of HuffPost Parenting. I feel we havent provided him with enough resources and support and I dont know where to turn. Siblings can be brought into the mission to help, comfort, and share valuable information. I agree get him into some after school activities. I mean he isn't Channing Tatum, but he is a handsome young boy. It's heartbreaking. Also bear in mind that some teens, by virtue of personality, tend to be more comfortable being alone than with others. I'm speechless . All we can do is keep praying about it. I got him involved in every activity possible but is not really athletic. What sport do you play , did you watch the footy on the weekend . 2022 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. He is very clean and wears nice clothes and is a fairly decent student. It seems there are so many kids who say stuff to him that no matter what classes he switches into there is someone making remarks to picking on him. I live in Oregon and my 13 year old son has run away twice. I tell them that people LOVE talking about themselves and feel good when others show interest in them as individuals. I'm worried that since he's struggling to fit in and make friends now, he will continue to struggle in the future when he gets a job, or goes to university, etc. and our By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. "Those girls, if they act that way, they were never your friends ," Ellen tells her. Ronnie's passing comes just four years after Tina's oldest son, Craig, (whose father was the late saxophonist Raymond Hill) died by suicide at the age of 59 in July 2018. I'm worried about my son. He had a lot of friends growing up. By Barbara Greenberg | July 25,. He is super bright and intellectual and has trouble making small talk with kids his own age although hes great with adults. He's a nice kid, a good kid. He had a friend who lived close who he used to hang out with regularly, but the kid and his family moved away about 3 years ago. I ask because my son has asd but around me is fine. Kids are cruel. Fourteen-year-old Tom spends all his free time alone, on his computer. We also don't have much of a social life. I wish I lived in a bigger city where I had more options but I live in a small town and the other schools are not appealing to him that are local. I am so sad to hear what is happening to your boy at school . He's refused to really talk about it and just says "It's fine, Mom!" He also has a ADHD coupled with a learning disability, so school is a constant struggle for good grades. He's been like this pretty much his whole life. He has flat feet, asthma, wears glasses and a little overweight. These are tough times but I actually joked to myself today, I'm 50 now and I can't remember a single thing about high school. This has been true since about fourth grade when he never asked for friends to come over or got asked to stay over much with other kids. Here are three steps to help your child find a friend or two. I don't know how large your school system is but students are typically thrown into a much larger pool of kids than they were used to in elementary school---at a time when many are feeling self-conscious and awkward. Hello, I received a text from my teen's friend 's mother saying my 14 years old son has been sending texts to her son using really bad language. Maybe counselling? - last edited on Your childs self esteem is important at this age. Reading clubs, computer clubs etc. Tell him that kids who are bullies have issues with their sense of self and their own lives and even though it may seem it's about him , it's really about them and what they have yet to learn about respect , dignity and self worth . Some children are natural social butterflies. Good manners are always appreciated so support your son or daughter in learning what is expected in the outside world. He'd like to join them but has no idea how. Six Ways To Help Your Child Make Friends. Document everything your son tells you , keep a record with dates , times and reactions . Resist the temptation to chime in with your observations that your teenager daughter has no friends. How can I help my son become more social? Thanks again! ClickHere andHereto find some information on friendships and loneliness (I might actually go through them with my own daughter!) I got him involved in every activity possible but is not really athletic. His class teachers etc. Last year, he started middle school and met some new kids but got in trouble with them. When teens have solid, healthy relationships in their lives that they can count on unconditionally, it becomes much easier to endure the roller coaster of adolescent friendships. Auto-suggest helps you quickly narrow down your search results by suggesting possible matches as you type. Every parent wants to see their children happy, interacting and engaged. And it's equally important to let the child know that he is not alone. When he is with me he is great, I do not know what he is doing that is off putting to others. I hope you can help. It's not about you. He has no friends to come visit him or to hang out with. Hope you find them helpful. Also, he's an only child, and I wonder if that could be a factor in why he doesn't enjoy hanging out in groups. Stay in touch. You sound like a loving mother, so of course this is going to impact you as well. If he is willing get him to link up with the school counsellor on an on going basis so they can keep an eye on his mental health . He is a quiet boy and quite socially awkward but not to an extreme extent. As we can only assume the reasons, to get a clear point I think you should talk to your child and find out what's causing the issues with the potential friendships. 1. Also, we are not members of a church or synagogue, which are big social drivers in our town but I know other parents aren't either so I can't tie it just to that He is playing football at school so I am hoping he'll have more opportunities meeting new friends. @motherbearhas some great suggestions there! He's alone 24/7. 05/02/2020 01:28. Knowledge is power and knowing will be the first step towards your child's future ability to make friends. He enjoys scouts but unfortunately hasn't made any friends yet. Dear ADDitude: My Child Doesn't Have Any Friends "My 8-year-old is happy and friendly, but he doesn't play with anyone at recess and doesn't like to work in groups. As for your son, maybe joining a new club, sport or interest group would make for a good opportunity to meet new people. I mean he isn't Channing Tatum, but he is a handsome young boy. Close. Join Activities. He might not share the same interests as his classmates (for example he may hate sports). I'm sure this is a common problem. Any advice welcome! My 12-year-old, going on 13, doesn't seem to have any close friends. Hi@LuckyGirl2000Welcome to Reach Out and thank you for sharing your story. "My saddest moment as a . Since then, he hasn't had any friends visit him at home, and he hasn't visited any at their house, as far as I know. I always tried to encourage him to go out and get some air. My 14 year old son is having an awful Time in high school and says he has no friends. I visit friends outside the home, like going to dinner with friends, but my son may be reluctant to bring anyone home. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. . It truly hurts your own heart when your kids are hurting. Now suddenly he is free for the summer and his attempts at reaching out to kids to socialize are getting ignored. Hi@NywvmomTo2. They may have crushes or they may consider themselves in a relationship. Having a close friend in adolescence can lead to lower rates of anxiety and depression. I know this is a personal question but does he have an autism spectrum disorder where social communication skills might be the cause. He is a little chunky, but nothing horrible. If your concerns persist, you might want to consider having him talk to someone outside of the family. He sits at home all day watching TV, playing video games, and on his phone. He's okay, in fact, he's more than okay with how he spends . The more you give out the more things come back to you over time . Not sure if I was popular or not, it doesn't matter anymore. Be clear and specific . . We lost my father-in-law at Christmas and I know this hit him hard. Other children are quiet, shy or even a little socially awkward. He doesn't have a best friend; he is never invited over to other kids' houses or for overnights. The greatest likelihood is that he will "grow into" middle school and into a more active social life as soon as he is ready. So phone them for updates always . A teen asks: Why are friendships so fleeting? What is it about social situations that he struggles with. This situation happens when the child is an "outside the box" thinker or someone who doesn't really run along with the crowd. I try to encourage him to go out and try to get to know other kids in our neighborhood, but he never wants to do it. Painful teen friendship: What's a mom to do. He's alone 24/7. He barely goes outside. By that time, most people already have established groups of friends, and I'm worried it will be even harder for him to make friends as an adult. "The family home is where we get our bearings to the outside world, and we often follow the examples of our parents and siblings. My soon to be 17 yr old has no strong friendships either and I feel your pain. If your son is not showing signs of depression or anxiety and seems very content, it is possible that he is schizoid and not avoidant. 10 "It is productive for parents to have conversations with their kids about healthy relationships, sex, and dating so they are not just getting their information from social media," Dr. Jassey says. Good manners are always appreciated so support your son or daughter in learning what is expected in the outside world. He also said that when he hangs out in groups, he feels like the other people in the group are just 'tolerating his presence' rather than actually wanting him there. My 14 year old son has no friends. I found with my son that just one friend can make all the difference. He was invited to birthday parties and had a lot of play dates. To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. What can I do to help him? This year he doesn't seem to hang with them. Young people can be very attuned to their parents' moods and may be reluctant to add to their stress. Or may be you can talk with someone who interacts with your son regularly(teachers, sibling, neighbours) as they may have some insight to the problem. 3. My 14 year old son has no friends or a social life. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. QUESTION. Some teens just haven't found the people on the same wavelength as them. Check out the schools anti bullying policy etc. No one calls . Cookie Notice When he is with me he is great, I do not know what he is doing that is off putting to others. On Dec. 6, a group of James' friends in his eighth-grade class chipped in their own money to surprise him on his birthday at school and he's worn it every day since. This is hard for your teen, but it's also hard on you! My son is 13 and exactly the same. He barely goes outside. The sad truth is school has become so intense and all -consuming that there is little time to prioritize friendships. In his early elementary years (Kindergarten-2nd grade) teachers would call his mother and I and tell us that he's very quiet and doesn't talk. The Most Common Reasons Kids Have Trouble Making Friends Here are some ways you can help your children overcome challenges to develop and maintain friendships. What can I do to help him? For instance when they're playing soccer, if some of them kick the ball over the fence, it's seen as funny but when . Knowing that you're there to help him will make a world of difference to their outlook. Your son may be uncomfortable in inviting friends over if there is a high level of conflict in your home. They will appreciate his efforts and quiet , reserved people can turn into the most loyal and steady friends across time . It's hard for me to believe that. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. Be kind to yourself and your . My 14 year old son has no friends, and I'm worried. She is still learning about friendships, and what she learns is valuable information she will take with her throughout her life. Speak to him alone in a private place. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. He starts high school next week and I am very anxious. My first reaction when I read your post was anger ! Ongoing bullying can have massive repercussions and the fallout for the future can be very damaging . It would be difficult knowing your son has no close friends, and the experience with the psychologist sounds awful. Can he go talk to a school counsellor or someone- maybe research social anxiety? There are some great resources in the Youth section of Reach Out. He will meet friends there who can help to be a buffer to what is going on at school . If they behave aggressively out of the blue and disagreement, this depicts that they can have some social issues going on with his friends. User account menu. I appreciate any feedback. He isn't the best athlete but i would like to think the school isn't that shallow that unless your on a sports team you get picked on. For a teenage girl, I know it's a universe in which my advice is a foreign tongue. He's alone at home all the time, so it would leave me to believe he's also alone in school. He has had some good friends in elementary school in the past, but was switched in his classes each year so every time he made a friend, he wasn't in the same class with that child the next year and it fell apart. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Bring it to your meetings . He's refused to really talk about it and just says "It's fine, Mom!" He was bullied throughout high school and ended up spending a lot of time alone in his room but he found a passion in computer science. It's needs to be treated with the same importance and urgency as any other kind of abuse - because that's what this is . I'm worried about my son. Welcome to ReachOut forums and thank you for sharing what is going on with your son. One or two friends are all they need. "It's not like . (Maybe 20 lbs overweight). Not sure what would be available where you are since you said your in a small country town. Ngaio-RO. He's going to high school this upcoming year and I am really afraid he'll be kicked out. He has taught himself more than a dozen programming languages and got a big scholarship to college and couldn't be more excited to find kids like himself. My 17 yo daughter has experienced periods of loneliness, gone through different groups of friends and at times feels like she doesn't fit into any group at school it is really heartbreaking. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Self-confident and outgoing from a young age, they make friends with other children easily. He's not into sports. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. 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