"I can't break up with her; she'd be devastated.". Try to be as objective as possible when assessing a situation and your feelings, so you dont allow your emotions to become even more heated. If youre not comfortable asking for you needs to be met face-to-face, then send an email. If you mess up, take responsibility for it. by Many of us naturally feel responsible for other peoples feelings. And if someone made it a big deal, well, guess whose responsibility that was? They approach the world differently and possess certain qualities and habits that make them truly unique. If you are constantly being open and available for everyone else at the expense of your own needs, then you are shirking responsibility where it actually counts. Yes, I know we should experience the whole spectrum of human emotions, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)DepressionAnxietyObsessive Compulsive DisorderMore Topics, Depression TestPTSD TestExtraversion & Introversion TestEmotional Intelligence TestMore Tests, TheMindsJournal.comMind.HelpPartnered withWorld Mental Healthcare Association, 13 Habits Of Highly Intelligent People That Make Them Truly Unique. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. When we do not answer for our feelings and . But thats not completely true, is it? Or, maybe you let the person know how youre feeling in response to what they just said. You already know that youre respecting your own needs, and youre not unfairly encroaching on theirs. Hack Spirit is one of the leading authorities providing practical and accessible relationship advice. Maybe you know the feeling a manager asks if you can work a couple of extra hours one night. When you respond to another's unloving behavior with anger, blame, resistance, withdrawal or compliance, you will likely end up feeling anxious, stressed or depressed. They never have been and they never will be. Me too, buddy. When I realized that I had full reign over my feelings, time, and energy limits, it freed me up to speak honestly. If you pay careful attention to your feelings, you will discover that when you are willing to compassionately embrace your core painful feelings without protecting against them with your own unloving behavior, you do not feel anxious, depressed, stressed or miserable. A lot of the time individuals who do this discover that they are deeply afraid of asking for what they need. Do you believe that you CAUSE others' feelings, and are therefore responsible for them? This is partly because the act of taking responsibility for one's own feelings: reduces our tendency to take responsibility for other's feelings (and therefore entering into codependent . If you are feeling over-responsible for someone in your life, you are likely picking up some of the slack that they should be tending to. How others feel, act, and respond are within their boundaries. If you pay careful attention to your emotions, you will discover, in your relationships with others, that it is often not another's behavior that is creating your misery or your inner peace or joy, but rather your own responses. As all men are not created equal, it is crucial to know where a man stands in the socio sexual hierarchy. Answer (1 of 5): We are somewhat responsible for other people's feelings. Here is how likely you are to feel responsible for others, based on your personality type. But most of the time, this isn't the case. You can only meet people where theyre at in their life. If I want to be a good person, I might say, Wow, I dont know where that came from! Then you have permission to intervene in their life. Taking on everyone's responsibilities is often a sign of conflict avoidance. If you werent doing this, what would you be doing instead? As a result, you can develop better coping skills for your emotions through emotional regulation. False responsibility and its origins False responsibility refers to an attitude when you feel responsible for things that, objectively, you arent responsible for and shouldnt feel. Here are a few signs that indicate you have a tendency to take responsibility for peoples' happiness, feelings, d. So rather than try to change someone else, focus on your own behavior. Although we are responsible for our own feelings, what we feel is also influenced, heightened, dampened, or muted by others. No, in that I am not responsible in what you do with those feelings. I know that its sometimes difficult, but the true loving response isnt to go and save them but lovingly remind them of their own strengths. Their sense of empathy is what causes them to take on this responsibility over others. And no one is responsible for yours either. As alpha, beta and sigma male personalities are already popular, today we are going to explore the lesser known, yet extremely common, delta male personality. We are all responsible for what we do with our emotions and our actions. One way to help challenge mind-reading is that if you (or someone else) can come up with any other valid interpretation of the person's behavior, then you have to recognize the possibility of being wrong in your interpretation. These are the kinds of things that run through many men . Does it hurt them? Probably one of the most ubiquitous problems faced by people pleasers is the tendency to take responsibility for other peoples feelings. At the time, I found this very challenging. In essence, being responsible for your feelings (and only yours) is about switching a pattern of belief. A sparrow and a lurking cat. Lachlan Brown "I don't believe you," I jutted out my chin like a petulant toddler. I can appreciate how difficult it is to hold this perspective in mind when it comes to going through conflict with a loved one. Regardless of how much you help them, it feels like hitting the wall. Some people will get emotional when you stand up for what you need. Unless we do something intentionally hurtful to someone, the emotions they are experiencing are those that they have created for themselves. But none of us ever talk about it because we are afraid and ashamed of it. If so, take responsibility over what you do next. We are not responsible for other people's choices, behaviors, bad decisions, addictions, the consequences of their choices, their hopes, dreams, character defects, thoughts, feelings, problems, attitudes, and moods. But most of the time, this isnt the case. Having a healthy relationship with yourself is extremely important when it comes to living a happy and content life. You can choose to support them instead by encouraging them or telling them where they can find information or help they need. Another major way we avoid or try to get rid of our painful feelings is making others responsible for them in various ways. When we're pulled into the lives of others, we can easily lose the sight of our own lives. We associate emotions with feelings, but they are also signals. In the spirit of breaking things down, lets start with the first truth: I can appreciate how difficult it is to hold this perspective in mind when it comes to going through conflict with a loved one. But if you project your emotions onto someone else, you can cause real harm to yourself and others something you probably already know if youve been on the receiving end of someone saying you make me miserable in a fight. In other words, if youre upset with your partner because they forgot to do the dishes, its OK to tell them how youre feeling, but try not to use this as an excuse to attack them for everything or say that the dirty dishes are the sole reason youre unhappy. Not every HSP struggles with this. Some people value suffering over happiness, and there is nothing you can do about it unless they genuinely ASK you for help and theyre ready to do the work. What you can do in those moments is register what youre feeling. The Burden: Feeling Responsible For Everyone. If you observed yourself for one hour of interacting with other humans, how would . It just requires mindfulness of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions. In fact, its a good thing. Some of our feelings, such as heartbreak and grief from losing a loved one, or helplessness over others, or loneliness when we want to share love with another and no one is available, are caused by others and by life events. By believing that youre responsible for other peoples feelings, and can even change those feelings, youre robbing them of their personal power within the relationship. Hack Spirit. Not all emotions pull you down. You are projecting something you dont like about yourself (such as an impulse to anger) or an uncomfortable feeling (such as shame) onto someone else as a way of not feeling bad about yourself and your behavior. For an example: your friend is overweight and is insecure about her weight. You can help them to see why theyre in such a situation but dont try to solve it instead of them. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. When we interact with others, we think that we are the cause of their reactions and emotions. So we suppress it and keep it hidden away from the world, even our loved ones. Responsible to: Expressing curiosity about the thinking of others. This means making sure youre eating regularly, getting a little exerciselike a walk through the parkand taking care of your basic needs. But if you want to change your circumstances and build healthier relationships, becoming more emotionally responsible can go a long way. I want you to know that if youre struggling with feelings of anxiety, confusion, and frustration, its okay. Responsible to: Really thinking about whether you need to reassure them or not. Be authentic, be yourself, and take responsibility for what you know is right. The dark side of your psyche gives rise to thoughts and feelings that make you afraid yet tempted. The definition of responsible is being the person thing that caused something to happen. Salow also encourages others to find their true self and to express it in their unique way and connect with their inner guidance because she genuinely believes in embodied wisdom.View Author posts. When you are responsible and accountable for your feelings, you can rule them rather than let . Do you feel responsible for other peoples feelings? They need your attention and they arent necessarily interested in solving the problem. Someone who is super smart and knows a lot about everything. November 25, 2022, 1:25 pm, by If you need to take a few deep breaths or a walk around the block to calm down, thats OK too. In reality, this seems to be one of the most challenging things on this planet. 4 minutes. Many of the people who struggle to forge and sustain healthy relationships, or have confidence issues at work, and/or grapple with feelings of low self-worth, are over-responsible. In short, our existence. And when you try to change someone else, youll likely end up frustrated or in an argument. If I dont have any needs, then I wont be a burden to you, is the belief. But being highly intelligent has nothing to do with having a high IQ. Trump, 76, also questioned President Biden's decision to free "one of the biggest arms dealers anywhere in the world" in a Truth Social post Thursday, claiming Bout was "responsible for . If youre a people-pleaser, you may go out of your way to do things for the people in your life, based on what you assume they want or need. 2) Boundaries are about YOU. For example, your neighbor may argue that having their music up as loud as possible is their right, but it doesnt hold much weight when theyre negatively affecting everyone around them. But if you take responsibility for your life and live it the best way you can, then it simply must be done. Ive met more caring people than not in my life, and I also know that if youre one of them, then you have a hard time defining your boundaries. This seems to be harder to internalize, perhaps because women are so deeply socialized to take the blame and responsibility for how other people feel. Dr. Henry Cloud explains it like this from his book, Boundaries: "Controlling nonresponsives have a hard time looking past themselves. As adults, however, we all can learn to manage these painful feelings. An example of responsible is the driver who ran a red light in an accident. It makes you feel like shit and like hitting your head against the wall. And this is the exact problem with people-pleasing. If they are not, they will blame us for their . If you or someone else tries to blame or guilt-trip someone else for how youre feeling right now, that is called emotional projection.. They will not exist. The advice to not take responsibility for the emotions of others is typically offered in the context of codependency - situations where one person takes on excessive responsibility for the other person and his or her experiences. Especially if youve grown up in an environment where your feelings and needs were ridiculed or ignored. Rather than both people interacting properly, its actually the relationship of power and control thats running the relationship. If you waste all your energy on people, who value pain more than you cant help where it makes a difference. In fact, as we discussed above, its manipulative, superficial, and leads to inauthentic relationships. Heres a helpful video that you may find interesting: SYLVIA SALOW is a life coach, public speaker, and author. It can also take a toll on your mental health because, subconsciously, you may begin to view your world as filled with people you blame for your feelings. There are obviously a bunch of other ways a person can express their anger (or any feeling for that matter), none of which I am responsible for. Some of our feelings, such as heartbreak and grief from losing a loved one, or helplessness over others, or loneliness when we want to share love with another and no one is available, are caused . Here are a few ways to begin the process of establishing healthier emotional boundaries. When you fully embrace the sadness, sorrow, loneliness, grief, heartache, heartbreak and helplessness, you move through these core painful feelings very quickly and into loving action on your own behalf. Here Are 4 Things You Should Know If You Feel Responsible For Other Peoples Feelings. If youve ever been in a situation where someone expressed anger toward you, became frustrated, or simply seemed off, you know how easy it is to wonder, is it my fault?. We do not have the power to directly enter another person's mind and switch their fear emotion on or off. In relationships, responsibility is far more fluid than we give it credit. But heres the thing: you are not responsible for other peoples feelings, just like they are not responsible for yours. I went through it myself, and the lessons it teaches are all about how to take responsibility for your life and develop your own mental toughness. Theyre obviously allowed to play music, but they dont need to blast it up to full volume for their own wellbeing. Were only in charge of our own emotions. In Nonviolent Communication and other communication frameworks, there's the concept of having responsibility for your own feelings and needs.In other words, if you want something from others, it's your job to ask for it. Your feelings, responsibilities, and actions all fall within your boundaries. Some people take too much responsibility for how others feel, others take no responsibility at all. Imagine being in a place emotionally where their attempt to control or guilt you had no effect? I discovered that whenever I did not take care of myself when being treated badly -- such as failing to lovingly disengage from the interaction and compassionately embrace the core painful feelings -- I felt awful. INFJs might feel guilty if someone they love fails or if they . February 8, 2020. Not to mention that people can easily take advantage of a people-pleaser, knowing that theyll say yes to any demand. - In high-conflict, stressful, or traumatic situations, children soothe and regulate the parent's . A mentor of mine once said that trauma survivors can sniff out the inauthenticity of their healthcare . How To Stop Taking Responsibility For Other People's Feelings, What Causes Self-Doubt (and 5 Steps To Undo It), Heartfelt Online Therapy, Seattle, WA 98104. Learn this and. For example, I once was in a heated debate about Lena Dunham (I was on her side) and I remember getting so mad that I went in the brooding direction and made the other person pay the price by my crushing silence. 30 Signs Of The Common Man, How To Improve Your Relationship With Yourself, Feeling Down? They can then help guide you to work to change those perceptions. It distorts your thoughts and emotions, yet it feels so right. Having healthy boundaries means establishing your limits and clearly expressing, What are the qualities of a strong and lasting relationship? On the deeper level of your core painful feelings, others' unloving behavior causes loneliness, heartache, heartbreak and helplessness over emotions. Blaming someone for how youactedon your feelings is where the line of responsibility gets drawn. The other person could have also just as easily felt responsible for my shutting down, coming to my rescue (my evil plan working) where I could passive aggressively make them apologize. Yeah, I really showed them. As long as you communicate your needs honestly and respectfully, it doesnt matter how you do it. What do you think of when you imagine a highly intelligent person? So guess what does it do with you? In short, we can assume 100% responsibility for our own feelings and know that others are responsible for their feelings without being cold and unkind towards them. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. They may lack the confidence about being able to help themselves and if youd treat them like a small kid and taking off their burdens how would they learn their value? - The child becomes a source of emotional support and caregiving to parents. Every person is responsible for their own emotions. Its OK to tell your partner what you need or that certain things they do upset you. You are not responsible for the way your partner feels. Start tuning into your actions. You dont need to be a people-pleaser all the time. All rights reserved. Part of HuffPost Wellness. Don't get involved in people's dramas. And everyone else is responsible for theirs. Sunday Firesides: You Are Not Responsible for Other People's Feelings. They're saying we're only responsible for the things we can control and, beyond you doing your best to be a good person, you can't control other people's feelings. Make sure to speak up for what you need, but use your common sense to be respectful for others. Lachlan Brown INFJs do have a tendency to feel responsible for other people, especially the ones closest to them. Heres how to become more emotionally responsible. However, I would hope that that person would recognize it was not his responsibility for how I responded. Emotions make life complicated. Last medically reviewed on September 29, 2022, Boundaries are essential to having strong and healthy relationships. On the contrary, her best friend was complaining even more. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and Ive spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. We look at 10 exercises you can try today. In essence, being responsible for your feelings (and only yours) is about switching a pattern of belief. We are not directly responsible for other people's emotions in the same way that we are not directly responsible for another person's breathing, walking or eating. Last Updated November 28, 2022, 2:21 am. I know that this sounds harsh, but its true. When we are filled with painful feelings and are not open to our Guidance . I cannot hold you responsible for what I do with my time, for instance. The subliminal affirmations focus on these three elements: It can help you recognize that you are a separate and autonomous being with needs and wants. Every morning she would rise with the Sun, offer her prayers and ask to be shown the way. Or switch their happiness emotion . I cannot make you react a certain way, just like you cannot make me react a certain way. your emotions and how to respond. Here are treatments and self-help methods to overcome it. 2. Sometimes you can better articulate your thoughts when you write something out. There are two reasons this is an issue that needs to be addressed: 1) We are deceiving ourselves into believing we can somehow help the situation (and help them). Here is a 4-step process that will help you stand up for what you need. After being with a friend, colleague, or family member, do you tend to feel emotionally exhausted? An example of responsible is the type of person who you trust to watch your child. The Takeaway You are responsible for your stuff and everyone else is responsible for theirs. Did you like my article? It can be calming and soothing to blow off steam, complain, point the finger at others, avoid . We make our own choices in life. The only feelings you have full control over are your own. The people who adhere to the philosophy that they are not responsible for how anyone else feels deeply fear (because of their childhood experience) that if they take responsibility, they will lose themself. Other peoples feelings do not fall entirely on your shoulders. INFJ. Codependency For Dummies. As you can see, responsibility is a two-way street. This is a challenge for the people-pleaser because they feel overly responsible for other's feelings. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. A licensed counsellor and therapist, Susan Carrell (author of Escaping Toxic Guilt), came up with a 3-step-method to overcoming toxic guilt: speak your truth, claim territory and brace for the storm. In other words, instead of saying, I am responsible for how Im feeling right now, youre deflecting and saying you are responsible for how I feel. This can lead to guilt-tripping, gaslighting, and some pretty heated arguments. But codependents make the leap of feeling responsible for others' pain and happiness. If you have, youre not alone. During the last 5 years, she has been working with people who are going through a life transformation which brings them on the path of their higher potential and life purpose. I repeat this often at my workshops; under all that dirt and fear is love. Anger? Intelligence comes in many forms and most highly intelligent individuals dont even know howRead More 13 Habits Of Highly Intelligent People That Make Them Truly Unique. When we interact with others, we think that we are the cause of their reactions and emotions. People who are overly responsible often end up feeling resentful because they are not treated the same way in return. This can help you stop blaming yourself or feeling guilty when your partner is in a bad moodand help you disengage from an argument. To put it very simply, if you think and talk about other people's lives, then you call into your life THEIR energy. Best-selling author, seminar leader and co-creator of Inner Bonding. Although you may influence how someone feels, you cannot change how they actually feel. Someone who is super smart and knows a lot about everything. You choose them. Right? It ruins relationships, families and even careers. When you respond to another's unloving behavior with anger, blame, resistance, withdrawal or compliance, you will likely end up feeling anxious, stressed or depressed. Can I make it up to you? and hopefully youd either a) recognize that Im a bit strange for saying what I said earlier or b) youd forgive me, see it as a weird blip, and wed move forward. It is so easy to revert to my wounded self and claim that this time, my feelings are not my responsibility. Responsible for: Always replying "no worries!" when people apologize in an email. But did it work out? I really struggle with feeling responsible for other people's emotions, including my therapist. This appears to be the way our souls grow when we have opted for spiritual growth. While its no secret that it can be difficult to stop this habit and learn to stand up for yourself, there are ways to learn to stop people-pleasing and stand up for what you believe in. You have to do what you have to do to take care of yourself, meet your own needs, and hold your own boundaries. The first truth you need to understand is this: If youre playing a game of trying to make everyone around you happy, then youre not going to win. The thought of adding or removing a habit fr. On the deeper level of your core feelings, other's unloving behavior causes loneliness, heartache, heartbreak, and helplessness over them. A victim is anyone who suffers harm or loss - to whom the act of being harmed is attributed to third party responsibility. Which only means that theyll have to create the same problematic situation so they can finally learn what theyre expected to learn. Since the other is likely to respond with more anger or withdrawal, you end up feeling bad from the interaction. Nor can we control them. If you are not responsible for how another person feels, who are you responsible for? 1) Set your boundaries! The way to get to this place is to truly accept that your needs might cramp another persons style, but that doesnt make them wrong. "I can't say no to helping out with this event; my friend would be really frustrated.". We all do. Did it work? Here Are 4 Things You Should Know If You Feel Responsible For Other People's Feelings 1. This is especially true if we know how our actions or remarks can affect the other person's feelings. Speaking of personal power, I highly recommend you check out Ideapods course on how to develop your own personal power. Try using I statements, such as I feel sad when youre late.. But if people-pleasing and feeling personally responsible for others' emotions has always been an issue for you, this four-step process will help: Step 1: Evaluate Your Needs. Paul Brian And no one is responsible for your feelings either. Emotions make life complicated. Do you have a dark side? You simply cannot control other peoples emotions, nor should you. We want to help others because we genuinely care. Just as we are the only one responsible for our actions. On the deeper level of your core painful feelings, others' unloving behavior causes loneliness, heartache, heartbreak and helplessness over emotions. No one is a mind-reader, so expecting other people in our life to know what we need is a sure way to set ourselves up for disappointment. Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, public speaker, seminar leader, consultant, facilitator, and artist. The issue is really one of sorting through boundaries and gaining clarity about how we interact with the other. Youre not responsible for other peoples feelings, only your own. What does it mean to be responsible for your own feelings? You have not responded as a loving adult in a way that leads to being treated respectfully. Thats why when someone judges you, its more about them and not you. It is incredibly important to establish clear emotional boundaries, or we can become so overwhelmed and overstimulated by what's going around us that it's sometimes hard to function. It is deeply gratifying to me to know that my feelings are always my responsibility because then I can do something about feeling badly -- I can practice responding lovingly no matter what. Sometimes after youve communicated that you want your needs to be respected, theyll decide to push your buttons and ignore you and keep doing it. Sign up for our weekly newsletter to get the choicest content compiled only for you. But we know deep within us, within its confines, our dark side grows silently, patiently looking for a way out. Emotions make us who we are and it adds meaning to our lives. Boundaries can be difficult to set and maintain, especially if you have unresolved feelings. Responsible to: Expressing curiosity about the thinking of others. But each time I keep my loving adult self present and take loving care of my feelings, the lesson hits home anew -- all my feelings really are my responsibility. And while you cant make your partner excited to do the dishes, if you, for instance, show up for them in other ways by helping out when theyre busy, maybe youll lead by example, and theyll want to be a more considerate partner to you. And therefore, you are responsible for managing yourself, and other adults are responsible for managing their feelings and behaviors without your interference and concern. But the urge to please others can damage our own personal power and allow other peoples feelings and wants to have more importance than our own. If you are struggling to manage your dark side, then heres how to get started. Imagine you are in the drive-through of your local coffee shop on your way to work. We are not responsible for other people's feelings. Linda Mintle. As children we could not manage core pain and were victims of others' choices, but as . It wasnt easy at first, as I was so used to being the pleaser who was always available, but after a few attempts I realized that it was really no big deal. Emotional projection is often a coping mechanism that we use when were feeling stressed, lonely, or overwhelmed. Even though the other person may be at fault, even though the other person wronged you, you are still responsible for your own feelings. But it also means taking the time to do things that bring you joy, such as making time for a hobby you love or making plans to do something fun. Some people just want you to feel sorry for them and it makes them feel good. This is a common occurrence in unhealthy relationships or codependent relationships. by As soon as we begin to anticipate anothers reaction based on our behavior, we introduce inauthenticity into the relationship. Today Im going to unpack why youre not responsible for other peoples feelings, and how people-pleasing can be detrimental to yourself and your relationships with others. Yes, if I want to be a good person and I care about you, Id probably need to own up to my part in your feelings. You're not helping anyone by trying to manage the emotions of other people. After my friend left, she felt heavily burdened by all those problems they discussed. "Rather than being your thoughts and emotions, be the awareness behind them." ~Eckhart Tolle. Because they push aside their own needs and think of other peoples feelings before their own which eventually teaches them to disregard what they need and want. Their reactions are not your responsibility. 2) By anticipating another persons thoughts and feelings, we are basically proposing to think for them. And they are the only person responsible for their emotions. This is the same energy that has created the drama in their lives in the first place. A number of years ago, while dialoguing with my inner spiritual guidance, she told me that one of my soul's lessons is to learn to respond lovingly no matter what -- with no conditions under which it is okay to respond unlovingly. People are at different stages and levels of consciousness, so you can choose to do the good for people who are waiting for it. 5 Reasons Why You Feel Like Shit And What To Do About It, How to Tame and Silence Your Inner Critic: 5 Ways. So hold your ground, and stand up for what you know is right. We tend to be our own worst critics. Can we come back to this conversation in 20 minutes?. As Lori Gordon writes, you might be a factor in their life that influences their experience, but you cannot take responsibility for their. What do you think of when you imagine a highly intelligent person? It can be the other way around - if a child begins to equate its own happiness with the approval of its teachers or family members - then it will begin to feel trapped or in conflict. Inner child exercises can help you parent and nurture your inner child, offering them the comfort they need. Taking responsibility for someone else's feelings is actually the most insensitive thing we can do because we are crossing into another's territory. We think, if I can just bend to what the other person needs, then theyll feel happy, wont leave me, and Ill be safe. In other words, other people do not "cause" your feelings. This is the same problem that we spoke about above. You don't want to, but you're not sure you have a choice. Some of our feelings, such as heartbreak and grief from losing a loved one, or helplessness over others, or loneliness when we want to share love with another and no one is available, are caused by others and by life events. In other words, consider whether your reaction to a situation is in proportion to reality and whether someone truly deserves as much blame for your negative emotions as you may be casting. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. Perhaps you set a boundary saying, I want to work through this with you, but not like this. If you weren't getting any self-worth from them, you wouldn't be negatively impacted by guilt, feeling selfish if you don't help, or their attempt to control you. And, if they are burdensome to another person, you might want to evaluate whether or not that person is healthy for you. Maybe you see your parents unhappy and restricting themselves in irrational ways, but you cant explain to them that life can be different. If you need help finding a therapist, check out our guide to finding mental health care. Ilona Andrews. Yes and no. Theyve internalized the most common psychological defense of self-denial. The detrimental effects of feeling responsible for how others feel. Many people suffer with the tendency to apologize all the time, chronically, for everything. That is a good thing, but its better to direct your help at people who WANT to be helped. There are plenty of other reasons in someone else's life that they feel and act the way they do. But being highly intelligent has nothing to do with having a high IQ. We are responsible when we answer for our actions, feelings or for something that was entrusted to us. Paul Brian Its a common way misunderstandings happen in relationships. Although we think we are giving an opinion on something or . So, is it my responsibility for those feelings? Trauma survivors have a superpower: being able to read your surroundings and read people really well. Not everything needs to be solved with face-to-face communication. And yeah, accidents happen, but theyre less likely to when each of us takes full ownership and responsibility over our actions. We want to help others because we genuinely care. You Are Not Responsible for Anyone Else's Emotions. There are a couple answers to this question and many of them relate to our choice in our relationships. A therapist can also work with you to help you become more comfortable with your feelings, which, in turn, can help make it easier for you not to blame others. The reasons why you're so attached to taking responsibility for other people's feelings. Ltd. We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. Its of much greater service if you tell them that they have their own guidance system and that they can trust it. Our actions shape our lives and we alone are responsible for them. Gut feeling is unconscious, irrational and intuitive. Thats why emotional projection is considered a defense mechanism you might not even be fully aware youre doing it but, subconsciously, your mind is looking for anyone else to blame but yourself. Appreciate yourself. Or have you ever felt guilty or blamed for how someone else is feeling sometimes? But many of our feelings, such as anger, anxiety, depression, hurt, guilt, or shame, are caused by our own thoughts and . And if their current state of mind is the wish to complain, then this is their choice. Your own unloving behavior toward another is also unloving toward yourself. You dont need to set boundaries for other people only for yourself. W hether trained or self-taught earlier in life, they've learned to be responsible for other people's feelings, opinions, behaviour, needs, expectations and desires. Do you think you feel responsible for other peoples lives? 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